Humor

Things I Missed Out on by Staying Single – Raising Kids

109241795

Like most girls when they reach their teen years, I dreamed of having a husband and children.  That dream, however, never reached fruition and as time passed I developed other interests and came to relish freedoms denied my married friends.  Oh, from time to time the domestic bug would bite, but a visit to a good friend who ultimately bore fourteen children quelled that.  Not that her kids were bad.  They were kids.  Kids are precocious, often mischievous, and have more energy than they know what to do with.  I only wish someone could bottle that energy and pass some along to me.  Goodness knows I need it!  Truth is, patience has never been one of my virtues, and the older I got, the faster of what little I had wore thin.  I could have never been a mother, and my hat’s off to any woman who can juggle a marriage, children, and career and keep it all organized with their sanity intact. The other day I came across the following list concerning raising boys, written by an anonymous mother from Austin, Texas.  While it reinforced my conviction I would never have survived motherhood, I found it hilarious and wanted to pass it along:

Things I’ve Learned From my Boys (Honest and not Kidding!)

  1. A king-sized waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4” deep;
  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite;
  3. A 3-year-old boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant;
  4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-lb. boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape.  It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20’x20’ room;
  5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.  When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.  A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way;
  6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan;
  7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words, “uh-oh,” it’s already too late;
  8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it;
  9. A six-year-old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says that only happens in the movies;
  10. Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year-old boy;
  11. “Play-doh” and “microwave” should not be used in the same sentence;
  12. Super glue is forever;
  13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water;
  14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O;
  15. VCR’s don’t eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do;
  16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes;
  17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving;
  18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is;
  19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens;
  20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time;
  21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy;
  22. It will, however, make cats dizzy;
  23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy;
  24. 80% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid!
Standard

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s